Exchanging

Her stiff, unsure steps and downward face showed the utter depths of her shame as she timidly entered the large room. Her long, black hair covered her pained and fearful expression. Wrought from years of social exile and tragedy, the lines of her face reflected the hopelessness she had suffered for so long. Before the death of her husband, public banquets had always been joyful affairs. It had been years since she had dared to venture to any public gathering—let alone a feast hosted by Simon. The Pharisees had openly condemned her. If only, she thought.

Slowly crossing the room she caught the eye of the host, whose piercing gaze communicated a mixture of disdain and disbelief. Her shame doubled. She had searched earnestly for another solution, but the money she needed flowed steadily from the pockets of those that admired her beauty. Her children depended upon her earnings. She had succumbed to her desperation. If only she could find peace in this agony—one hope for an end to her painful captivity. Her one Hope was here.

Glimpsing the Guest of honor, her heart beat a little faster. She had listened desperately, fervently to the messages of this new Rabbi. Exiled and denied friendship and sincere affection, she craved the Teacher’s promise of peace and forgiveness. She craved this promise of merciful love that surpassed any she ever experienced in her married life. If only I could look into His face, she inwardly pled.

Her eyes now fixed on the back of His robe, her heart raced as she drew near. She could no longer hear the hateful words whispered by those who had once called her ‘friend’. Her feet could barely feel their way across the floor. Twice she stumbled. Her breathing turned to frantic sobs. Now just an arm’s length away from Him, she could no longer contain the tears. She fell to His feet. Unable to rise, her tears dropped to form trails in the dust of His feet. She used her hair to wipe away the streaks. The Rabbi stood patiently, looking down with deep compassion.

She began to kiss His feet, letting her gratitude overpower all restraint. This Man had shown her more kindness than she ever believed existed—and he must have known her disgrace. Her shaking hands grasped the alabaster vile around her neck. It contained the last ounce of treasured perfume given to her by her husband—the only lasting remnant of her former life. She gave her heart to her beloved Teacher as she poured the fragrance over his feet.

So captivated was she by her new Treasure that she barely heard Jesus speak to the room of Pharisees. She could feel her acceptance in His presence. His warm gaze was fixed on the top of her head as he spoke sweetly and with audible love, saying, “Your sins have been forgiven.” With eyes clouded with tears, she looked up to meet his, filled with gentle compassion as he continued with tender sincerity, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

(story based on Luke 7:36-50)

Sydney gave this to me...

The Wait Poem by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried; Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate... and the Master so gently said,"Wait." "Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply. "Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!" Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard? By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I relate hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?" I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign. Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign. You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, We need but to ask, and we shall receive. Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry: I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate as my Master replied again, "Wait." So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taught, and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?" He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine... and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
I could give all you seek and pleased you would be. You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me. You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint. You'd not know the power that I give to the faint. You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair; you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there. You'd not know the joy of resting in Me when darkness and silence are all you can see.
You'd never experience the fullness of love when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove. You would know that I give, and I save, for a start, But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart. The glow of My comfort late into the night, the faith that I give when you walk without sight. The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
You'd never know should your pain quickly flee, what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you. So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me. And though oft My answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".

Weakness

"The LORD determined to destroy
The wall of the daughter of Zion.
He has stretched out a line,
He has not restrained His hand from destroying,
And He has caused rampart and wall to lament;
They have languished together.
Her gates has sunk to the ground,
He has destroyed and broken her bars.
Her king and her princes are among the nations;
The law is no more.
Also, her prophets find
No vision from the LORD.
The elders of the daughter of Zion
Sit on the ground, they are silent.
They have thrown dust on their heads;
They have girded themselves with sackcloth.
The virgins of Jerusalem
Have bowed their heads to the ground.
My eyes fail because of tears,
My spirit is greatly troubled;
My heart is poured out on the earth
Because of the destruction of the daughter of my people,
When the little infants faint in the streets of my city."

-Lamentations 2:8-11

"O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
THUS I HAVE SEEN YOU IN THE SANCTUARY,
TO SEE YOUR POWER AND YOUR GLORY.
Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips will praise You.
So I will bless You as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
My soul is satisfies as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.
When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches,
FOR YOU HAVE BEEN MY HELP,
AND IN THE SHADOW OF YOUR WINGS I SING FOR JOY.
MY SOUL CLINGS TO YOU;
YOUR RIGHT HAND UPHOLDS ME."

-Psalm 63:1-8

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

-2 Corinthians 12:7


It is unceasingly amazing to me every time I see truth throughout Scripture. How many times must I hear the God's strength is perfected in my weakness? How many times must I hear and not truly believe and own this truth? God has pushed me. He has stretched me. He is growing me, this awesome Father I have. To despair He will lead me to capture my heart, my attention, and my weakness. Our need for God is striking. God is moving to make us feel our need.


O Father, how I need You
Grateful am I for grace
My lonely desire to please You
Between You and I adds space

I long for someone to notice
To soothe this ache I bear
Other distractions entice
But show not Your intimate care

Move in this frustrating silence
Your grace is sufficient alone
Despite all outside appearance
In the midst of all that's unknown


I trust You.

TRUTH!

Ah! Okay...just home from Edge Preview...and I will post more later, but here's my last journal entry...God spoke to my heart through another Edger...and it's awesome. She gave me the Revelation verses and my heart rejoiced. Here:

"Then I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, 'Now the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night. AND THEY OVERCAME HIM BECAUSE OF THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB AND BECAUSE OF THE WORD OF THEIR TESTIMONY, and they did not love their life even when faced with death."
-Revelation 12:10, 11

TRUTH! YES!

Thank you, Lord, for Dana.

O Truth!
How lovely, divine, and full of grace!
Beauty in the darkest night
My heart sings at the glorious sight
My eyes uplifted to Your long-searched face!

O Spirit!
My inspiration from Authority sovereign
To inward chambers of my heart, my mind
Even mountain tops of my soul You climb
Called to praise this day, and again!

O Power!
How strong, courageous, and giving of peace!
Giving voice to Your story
With conviction and victory
Found perfect in the least of these!

Lamentations

"Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.
Surely my soul remembers
And is bowed down within me.
This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
"The Lord is my portion," say my soul,
"Therefore I have hope in Him."
The Lord is good to those who for Him,
To the person who seeks Him.
It is good that he waits silently
For the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man that he should bear
The yoke in his youth.
Let him sit alone and be silent
Since He has laid it on him."
-Lamentations 3:19-28

Susan Whitley sent me this passage. It seems sometimes that rejection and loneliness are great and evil shadows that come into our lives and darken our understanding of God's sovereignty. This passage is such an amazing reminder that God is always working with a purpose. Loneliness does not mean that one is forgotten, nor does rejection mean that one no longer has acceptance in anything. God has a purpose for making us poor and empty, too, making us long with greater intensity for the hope that is sure to come. Salvation continues. Hope continues. A greater dependency on God is experienced. And this dependency is not displaced, for great is his faithfulness! Great is His power to sustain! So I am able to sit alone and be silent, since the Lord has given me emptiness in all except Him. My good is only found in His nearness, my peace and power.

To His glory,

Ashley

Struggles and Prayer

I just spent an hour replying to Susan about trust and prayer and God's faithfulness and struggles. I am so grateful for our correspondence. Her honesty challenges me. God is so great. He is awesome and breath-taking and beautiful and perfect. He is my all in all...and all I have to give is myself--a living sacrifice. My life is Yours, Lord. I have been bought with a price. I am so valuable to You, and yet I am nothing in myself. Build in us skyscrapers of truth. Make us spiritual beacons. Take these ruins and this destruction and build Your own City of Glory. We confess that we need you and that our one purpose is to proclaim Your name. Your testimony is ours. Your story is on our lips and with our mouth we cry out for more understanding of Your plan. We seek wisdom in You and You alone. You alone are our good and your nearness is our joy. Thank you seems so shallow a phrase to express my deepening gratitude for Your eternal gift of salvation. Your love leaves me breathless, yet tears also have their place in my ever-failing flesh. We are encouraged that even when we are faithless, You remain faithful. This You have done that we might proclaim Your glory and not our possessions, nor talents, nor anything else given us by You. Your glory is all we desire to see. Your righteousness is mighty and unwaivering. Your love is unfailingly sustaining. Your justice, great and steadfast, deepens Your love; and Your love affirms Your justice. We love You. We praise You. It is You. It is You who brings beauty to the darkened corners which would otherwise ever hold ashes. It is You who renews our strength. It is You who fortifies, who rebuilds, who claims, who accepts, who affirms, who calls, who adopts, who sustains. Your nearness is our good. You, O Lord, are our refuge. You, O Lord, are our everlasting Help in trouble. To You, O Lord, be the glory for Your work. Your glory demands our praise, and your sacrifice demands our all. And we give, for we are so in love with You. We yearn for Your kingdom to reign in our hearts and in our friends' hearts and in the nations. We stand in awe of Your greatness. Give us hearts that are pure in a desire for Your will. Give us Your love, Your mercy, Your kindness, Your patience and grace.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."--Ephesians 3:20-21

Treasure

So this morning I went to breakfast with my mom, my sister, and my grandma. My mom gave my sister and me an early Christmas present--nativity scenes! ^_^

Naturally, when I got back home, I couldn't wait to set it up. As I was unwrapping all of the figures, I noticed that the only one that had extra wrapping was the little Jesus. My heart swelled as I thought what a great treasure my Jesus is. I thought of the importance of the gospel and how this special treasure is given to us, that we might advance it....and also protect its truth.

2 Timothy 2:2 says, "These things which you have heard in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also."

We have been entrusted with a treasure, the treasure of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let us cherish and keep it, proclaiming truth from a heart that treasures truth.

To His glory,

Ashley