Half-Baked Brain Beans about '08

So, hello there. I'm taking a break from Melanie...I haven't finished the next part yet.

Last post of 2008...BETTER BE GOOD! NO PRESSURE!

Naw, it is what it is.

This year was ridiculous. I'm trying to think of all the things that really don't feel like they should have all happened in the same year...

At the very beginning, in January, I went to Edge Preview...and then was accepted to Japan in the middle of the month. Then, I went to MLK weekend with U of A Navs, and started helping Diana with our Bible study.

I went to the regional conference in February.

In March I went to Irvine for overseas missions training. A couple weeks later, I went to California and saw my grandfather for the last time before he died.

In April...I don't really remember what happened in April...I need to check my journal.

In May I freaked out about fundraising, and left for Japan on the 31st.

I was in Tokyo from June until August 8th.

In August I started classes again.

In September...I don't remember much about September off the top of my head, either...

In October we had a Japan team reunion in Irvine (Almost all of us were able to make it. We missed Aiko, though.)

In November I began to apply for after graduation things--Japan, Italy, and other Italy option.

December! Today is the last day of December! I finished my second to last semester in college...began dialoguing with a few people about after graduation possibilities...got glasses. That last one's not very important, but I just got them today, so it's on my mind.


Well, I guess some little things are important. Okay, a lot of little things are important. My cell phone's pretty little...and that's important. Okay...not regressing into nonsense.


I didn't have much a point for the month-by-month highlights....just that a lot happened this year. Even when things felt like they were moving slowly, there was a lot happening. And really, God had His hand in so much of it. I need to take a deeper look into this past year, I think.

This post is really not very coherent. There's a lesson here...think before you write.

Another small installment to Melanie Krimm...

The monkey eyed the still much too melancholy girl with a look that seemed to say, "You wouldn't be able to converse with any smelly skunk, either."

Melanie, appalled by the monkey's insensitivity, refused to acknowledge O'Malley's presence for days. He was content to follow her stomps and observe her human habits. She did something strange every morning with a stick, scraping it across her teeth until she was satisfied by her smile. So strange.

"It's called brushing my teeth, O'Malley," Melanie instructed, forgetting her silent treatment. "Oh daffodils! I forgot I wasn't speaking to you. Well, I suppose we must get along now."

O'Malley had no idea what daffodils were, but decided it meant something like "It's delightful to have you here."

That very afternoon, Melanie noticed her older cousins skipping about, making their way into the forest with their splendid skunks. No doubt, they were going to pick bounties of blue berries. Melanie glanced down at her monkey, and definitively decided to take him and introduce him to the Krimm customs.

The monkey stumbled behind a determined Melanie who swung her berry basket with a touch more vigor that day.

They went over hill after hill filled with beautiful bushes of the blue fruit. The monkey had never been quite so dazzled by produce in his whole existence. Though, he did begin to wonder why they had not begun to gather the berries...

"Oh dear, O'Malley! We cannot pick these berries. The best ones are just a little farther..." said the expert, blueberry-picking girl.

Melanie Krimm and her Monk Skunk: A Short, Ridiculous Story...Part I

Once upon a time there was a precocious and slightly melancholy girl named Melanie. Melanie was precocious because she was six, and melancholy because she wasn't seven. You see, Melanie was a Krimm, and every Krimm child on their seventh birthday is given a skunk.

Now skunks are the very best present a girl of the Krimm family could ever hope to receive. You see, Krimm daughters, like skunks, love berries. And as you know, all that a Krimm could ever come to want was companionship while picking their bushels of bright blue berries.

"Stop rubbing it in, narrator," Melanie said to me. "I'm not yet seven, so I cannot enjoy the soothing friendship of a sweet little skunk, and am rather lonely and melancholy whilst picking my berries."

"Well, Melanie, we wouldn't have a story without the hope of you receiving your precious companion, you precocious girl," I half-consoled, and half-silenced the melancholy Melanie.

She moped and she moped and she moped, every once in a while imploring me to narrate in more of a hurry. I always replied that it only depended upon the speed with which the reader reads. She always replied with a precocious "Humph!"

In unfortunate timing for our melancholy Melanie, skunk history now tells us that due to an unfortunate shortage of ice chips in the summer of '96, skunk moms simply refused to have their skunk babies. This both unfortunately and miraculously left no little skunk for Melanie's parents to give to their expectant soon-to-be seven-year-old. I say unfortunately because Melanie was quite extremely disappointed--

"I am quite extremely disappointed!" Melanie cried.

--But I also said miraculous, Melanie. For, of course, the fates had something much better in store for the berry-picking Krimm.

Whilst the skunk moms kept their skunk babies to themselves, the monkey population in Madagascar was experiencing a slightly surprising surplus of silly monkey babies. I say only slightly surprising because every year in late spring and early summer, many new monkeys are born, but this particular year saw much monkey forgetfulness. The monkeys simply forgot it was May.

Hearing of this, Melanie's mom made a beeline for busy, banana-rich Madagascar, where a monkey waited for Melanie. Melanie's mom paid the keeper the slightly surprisingly low rate of $2.54 for the small, gangly, non-skunk-looking creature. Feeling satisfied with her savings, but not quite so excited for her little Krimm's sour reaction, Mrs. Krimm carted the little, wide-eyed monkey all the way home.

Melanie, still sulking, did not greet her mother with her usual precocious vivacity. She sulked over to the couch, and sulked right into the seat next to the monkey. She was sulking with so much intentional--

"I'm not sulking! I'm mourning the loss of all my childhood dreams!" cried the overdramatic almost seven-year-old. "And I'm not overdramatic."

"What's that, dear?" inquired her mother. "Are you talking to your monkey?"

"Monkey?!" exclaimed the half-horrified, half-incredibly-confused Melanie.

With a quizzical look that Melanie barely allowed on her face, she glanced at the non-skunk out of the very corner of her eye. The monkey smiled a wonderfully monkey smile.

"Do you even know what berries are?" Melanie demanded.

Of course the monkey did not yet know this fruit, for bananas had occupied his mind since his birth 15 1/2 days previous. However, the monkey liked her--with or without the understanding that food would be provided. He wanted desperately to tell her that his name was Ivan, but it was to no avail as he did not speak this strange human language--

"I wish I'd known your name was Ivan before I named you O'Malley," Melanie said, exasperated by the language barrier.




To be continued...

slight randomness as an exercise of the freedom that comes after finals

I had my last final exam this morning at 8am. It was ridiculously intense...5 pages front and back of straight writing about 13 different novels we read this semester. I'm glad to be done.

....On a brighter note, I'm really happy I did all that reading this semester. I really enjoyed reading a lot of the novels.

I've discovered I love American Realism...and also naturalism. The Great Gatsby is of course one of my favorite books...and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it again with fresh eyes. I also really liked McTeague, Passing, and the short stories "The Figure in the Carpet" and "The Real Thing" (both by Henry James). Although, I still can't bring myself to fully appreciate House of Mirth...Oh, Edith Wharton...how depressing you are.

Dude. Weiland is also really amazing. And The Scarlet Letter. Okay, I still have yet to read Moby Dick...but seriously...how was I supposed finish that one this semester?!

Anyway...so Liz (my roommate) and I are starting a book club together...and by book club, I mean book couple. I think we're going to start with Jane Austen's Emma, one of my favorites!!!!! Was that enough exclamation points for Austen? Maybe one more for good measure... !

I like the way it looks when there are book titles mixed with writing...the mixture of italics, quotes, and regular text looks interesting. That may have been one of the main reasons for writing this blog. Sorry for the selfish reasoning.



So, this semester was pretty difficult...but I'm actually really excited for the next. It feels like my life is actually moving a little...exciting! I've been doing more creative things...painting, drawing, writing...it's been a nice change. I feel more like myself...less intense.

I also feel like God has been waiting to give me answers until the right time...like now when I have time to deal with them...instead of while I'm worrying about reading (or not reading enough of) Moby Dick.

I don't have answers, really...but more leads--like I'm a detective looking for the path He wants me on...it kind of an adventure! Epic, I hope. I'm excited.

And while I'm on this subject, I would like to outline my Christmas list. For God. Yeah, I know...sometimes it's weird to ask for blessing...you feel selfish. But if there's one thing I learned in Japan, it's that unless God blesses me, I will wither and die. He came that I might have life and have it abundantly...and then freely give as I have freely received. Here are some things I am asking from Him that I can't get on my own:

1. Rugged joy
2. Rugged hope
3. Contagious enthusiasm
4. Love for others
5. A faith that remembers


I don't really have the energy to fully explain these...maybe later. Procrastination...ENFP-style.

Divine Romance

The fullness of
Your grace is here with me
The richness of
Your beauty's all I see
The brightness of
Your glory has arrived
In Your presence, God
I'm completely satisfied

For You
I sing, I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands to show my love
To show my love

A deep, deep flood
An ocean flows from You
Of deep, deep love
Yeah, it's fillin' up the room
Your innocent blood
Has washed my guilty life
In Your presence, God
I'm completely satisfied

For You
I sing, I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Life my heart and my hands
To show my love
To show my love

-Phil Wickham

I love this song. I've been thinking about a few things.

So God loves me, right? God really loves me...so much...

"For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe." (1 Corinthians 1:21)

What is foolish to the world is that a father would forgive a prodigal son--someone who took the father's money and wasted it...and who returned home needing a place to stay. This "foolish" father not only runs to the son and rejoices, but throws a feast in his honor because he has returned home. Sometimes we of this world are so the other brother. There is one part of us that runs home and wants the father's pardon and abundant blessing...and then there is another part that thinks that response would be impossible. Since the love is undeserved, it is seen as foolish.

But in this world we have many examples of this. Even in lesser love relationships (such as between a man and woman) here on earth, we see a sort of "love is blind" philosophy played out in the actions of lovers. They overlook the bad. They expect the good. Granted, our fallen state makes these actions perilous at times, but it reflect the image of God's love. It is foolish to us.

God is crazy in love with us. He covers our sin and calls us holy. He puts on His rose-colored glasses and allows Himself to be an optimistic idealist. As I heard once (I can't remember where), God is tickled silly pink madly in love with us!

There are times when this is so real to me. I just want to do something--anything--to express my love. He does call us to obedience, and that is a wonderful expression. However, there are times when He clips our wings, reminding us it is not about our love for Him, but His for us.

As He denied Davids request to build the temple, He at times denies our expressions back to Him. BUT His promises instead to David were that He would never cause his presence to leave David, that He would raise up David's offspring to succeed him, David's son will build a house for the LORD, and that His love will never depart from David and his son (2 Samuel 7). At first this seemed frustrating to me. My response to being loved or of glimpsing beauty is to declare it, to express it, to do something in return. In some ways I need expression--as Jeremiah describes the Word of God as fire in his bones. However, in thinking more about this promise (with knowledge that God works for the good of those who love Him, and that He gives them the desires of their hearts), I realized something. How many times does David ask for God's presence in the Psalms? He wants to seek His face, sit in His temple and meditate, gaze upon His beauty, and hide in His tabernacle (Psalm 27). He asks for God to hear him (Psalm 17, 27, 28, 29, 55, 86, 102). David tells his soul not to despair, but to hope in God's presence (Psalm 42). He calls Him his refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (Psalm 46).

David's desire was for God's presence. David cried out for God's presence and strength and love over and over again. This is the desire God speaks into. He doesn't want David to concentrate on building a temple to show David's love. God wants to promise David the eternity of God's love. This is what He promises to David: His presence and His love....and to boot He promises to fulfill David's desire for a house for the LORD through his lineage. How lavish are the blessings of our God!

All we are left with is this fire in our bones. With nothing we can do to make God's love look any less foolish. Nothing we can do to repay. Just hearts overflowing with the joy of being love by the one great love. He has chosen, chooses, and will always choose to be ticked silly pink madly in love with us. Good thing we have eternity to rejoice in this salvation.

Hello, forlorn blog...How have you been?

Two months later....

So basically, I have circa three blogs that are half-finished...and that will probably never be posted... :-/

Maybe...

But my last blog was so depressing...so much has happened since then...

So Thanksgiving was good. Dinner with the fam...board games afterward. Classico (Italian for 'classic'...sometimes the whole I-pretend-to-speak-a-foreign-language-by-adding-o's-to-the-end-of-words thing actually works...).

The semester's almost over, and it's official: I graduate in May. Score.

What's that? Sorry I didn't hear you. What am I doing after graduation?

Well..............how 'bout them Yankees?



I'm praying about a few options...Japan, Edge Corps...some new stuff just opened in Italy. I'm still not ready to make a decision. If I were completely honest with myself, I would be most excited if God said, "Hey, Ashley, let's go skip around Tokyo for the next couple years. I'll bless you and we'll love people together." I just don't know that that's what He's saying.

Waiting is frustrating...but I'm trying to live in the moment. That's what I'm supposed to do. Look's good on paper, doesn't it? It's way difficult...uber difficult, even. I'm distracted a lot, and there are things to trust Him with NOW...not just for next year or the year after that.

Senior year is a heck of a lot of "HOLY CATS! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!"...in case you were wondering.


I'm learning to see how much of a miracle times of rest are...and how powerful the presence of God really is in all this...and how important dependence on Him is...even though profound vulnerability is at times overwhelming.



Worn out, wasted
Like a bird with broken wings
Sometimes grace reminds me
I don't get to be the king

But love it washes over
Love it pulls me closer
Love it changes everthing

Everything is beautiful
Even when the tears are falling
I don't need a miracle to believe
Even in the crashing down
I can hear redemtion calling
And everything is beautiful to me

Sweetly, You release me
From the weight of what I've done
The trigger trips the hammer
But the bullets never come

And love like a landslide
Like the wind
Spins around me pulls me in
At it's unveiling, I begin



Everything is Beautiful by Starfield. Beautiful, true words. :)

Thanks for Your love, my Lord. It's way more precious than anything within my ability or strength to accomplish.