Half-Baked Brain Beans about '08

So, hello there. I'm taking a break from Melanie...I haven't finished the next part yet.

Last post of 2008...BETTER BE GOOD! NO PRESSURE!

Naw, it is what it is.

This year was ridiculous. I'm trying to think of all the things that really don't feel like they should have all happened in the same year...

At the very beginning, in January, I went to Edge Preview...and then was accepted to Japan in the middle of the month. Then, I went to MLK weekend with U of A Navs, and started helping Diana with our Bible study.

I went to the regional conference in February.

In March I went to Irvine for overseas missions training. A couple weeks later, I went to California and saw my grandfather for the last time before he died.

In April...I don't really remember what happened in April...I need to check my journal.

In May I freaked out about fundraising, and left for Japan on the 31st.

I was in Tokyo from June until August 8th.

In August I started classes again.

In September...I don't remember much about September off the top of my head, either...

In October we had a Japan team reunion in Irvine (Almost all of us were able to make it. We missed Aiko, though.)

In November I began to apply for after graduation things--Japan, Italy, and other Italy option.

December! Today is the last day of December! I finished my second to last semester in college...began dialoguing with a few people about after graduation possibilities...got glasses. That last one's not very important, but I just got them today, so it's on my mind.


Well, I guess some little things are important. Okay, a lot of little things are important. My cell phone's pretty little...and that's important. Okay...not regressing into nonsense.


I didn't have much a point for the month-by-month highlights....just that a lot happened this year. Even when things felt like they were moving slowly, there was a lot happening. And really, God had His hand in so much of it. I need to take a deeper look into this past year, I think.

This post is really not very coherent. There's a lesson here...think before you write.

Another small installment to Melanie Krimm...

The monkey eyed the still much too melancholy girl with a look that seemed to say, "You wouldn't be able to converse with any smelly skunk, either."

Melanie, appalled by the monkey's insensitivity, refused to acknowledge O'Malley's presence for days. He was content to follow her stomps and observe her human habits. She did something strange every morning with a stick, scraping it across her teeth until she was satisfied by her smile. So strange.

"It's called brushing my teeth, O'Malley," Melanie instructed, forgetting her silent treatment. "Oh daffodils! I forgot I wasn't speaking to you. Well, I suppose we must get along now."

O'Malley had no idea what daffodils were, but decided it meant something like "It's delightful to have you here."

That very afternoon, Melanie noticed her older cousins skipping about, making their way into the forest with their splendid skunks. No doubt, they were going to pick bounties of blue berries. Melanie glanced down at her monkey, and definitively decided to take him and introduce him to the Krimm customs.

The monkey stumbled behind a determined Melanie who swung her berry basket with a touch more vigor that day.

They went over hill after hill filled with beautiful bushes of the blue fruit. The monkey had never been quite so dazzled by produce in his whole existence. Though, he did begin to wonder why they had not begun to gather the berries...

"Oh dear, O'Malley! We cannot pick these berries. The best ones are just a little farther..." said the expert, blueberry-picking girl.

Melanie Krimm and her Monk Skunk: A Short, Ridiculous Story...Part I

Once upon a time there was a precocious and slightly melancholy girl named Melanie. Melanie was precocious because she was six, and melancholy because she wasn't seven. You see, Melanie was a Krimm, and every Krimm child on their seventh birthday is given a skunk.

Now skunks are the very best present a girl of the Krimm family could ever hope to receive. You see, Krimm daughters, like skunks, love berries. And as you know, all that a Krimm could ever come to want was companionship while picking their bushels of bright blue berries.

"Stop rubbing it in, narrator," Melanie said to me. "I'm not yet seven, so I cannot enjoy the soothing friendship of a sweet little skunk, and am rather lonely and melancholy whilst picking my berries."

"Well, Melanie, we wouldn't have a story without the hope of you receiving your precious companion, you precocious girl," I half-consoled, and half-silenced the melancholy Melanie.

She moped and she moped and she moped, every once in a while imploring me to narrate in more of a hurry. I always replied that it only depended upon the speed with which the reader reads. She always replied with a precocious "Humph!"

In unfortunate timing for our melancholy Melanie, skunk history now tells us that due to an unfortunate shortage of ice chips in the summer of '96, skunk moms simply refused to have their skunk babies. This both unfortunately and miraculously left no little skunk for Melanie's parents to give to their expectant soon-to-be seven-year-old. I say unfortunately because Melanie was quite extremely disappointed--

"I am quite extremely disappointed!" Melanie cried.

--But I also said miraculous, Melanie. For, of course, the fates had something much better in store for the berry-picking Krimm.

Whilst the skunk moms kept their skunk babies to themselves, the monkey population in Madagascar was experiencing a slightly surprising surplus of silly monkey babies. I say only slightly surprising because every year in late spring and early summer, many new monkeys are born, but this particular year saw much monkey forgetfulness. The monkeys simply forgot it was May.

Hearing of this, Melanie's mom made a beeline for busy, banana-rich Madagascar, where a monkey waited for Melanie. Melanie's mom paid the keeper the slightly surprisingly low rate of $2.54 for the small, gangly, non-skunk-looking creature. Feeling satisfied with her savings, but not quite so excited for her little Krimm's sour reaction, Mrs. Krimm carted the little, wide-eyed monkey all the way home.

Melanie, still sulking, did not greet her mother with her usual precocious vivacity. She sulked over to the couch, and sulked right into the seat next to the monkey. She was sulking with so much intentional--

"I'm not sulking! I'm mourning the loss of all my childhood dreams!" cried the overdramatic almost seven-year-old. "And I'm not overdramatic."

"What's that, dear?" inquired her mother. "Are you talking to your monkey?"

"Monkey?!" exclaimed the half-horrified, half-incredibly-confused Melanie.

With a quizzical look that Melanie barely allowed on her face, she glanced at the non-skunk out of the very corner of her eye. The monkey smiled a wonderfully monkey smile.

"Do you even know what berries are?" Melanie demanded.

Of course the monkey did not yet know this fruit, for bananas had occupied his mind since his birth 15 1/2 days previous. However, the monkey liked her--with or without the understanding that food would be provided. He wanted desperately to tell her that his name was Ivan, but it was to no avail as he did not speak this strange human language--

"I wish I'd known your name was Ivan before I named you O'Malley," Melanie said, exasperated by the language barrier.




To be continued...

slight randomness as an exercise of the freedom that comes after finals

I had my last final exam this morning at 8am. It was ridiculously intense...5 pages front and back of straight writing about 13 different novels we read this semester. I'm glad to be done.

....On a brighter note, I'm really happy I did all that reading this semester. I really enjoyed reading a lot of the novels.

I've discovered I love American Realism...and also naturalism. The Great Gatsby is of course one of my favorite books...and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it again with fresh eyes. I also really liked McTeague, Passing, and the short stories "The Figure in the Carpet" and "The Real Thing" (both by Henry James). Although, I still can't bring myself to fully appreciate House of Mirth...Oh, Edith Wharton...how depressing you are.

Dude. Weiland is also really amazing. And The Scarlet Letter. Okay, I still have yet to read Moby Dick...but seriously...how was I supposed finish that one this semester?!

Anyway...so Liz (my roommate) and I are starting a book club together...and by book club, I mean book couple. I think we're going to start with Jane Austen's Emma, one of my favorites!!!!! Was that enough exclamation points for Austen? Maybe one more for good measure... !

I like the way it looks when there are book titles mixed with writing...the mixture of italics, quotes, and regular text looks interesting. That may have been one of the main reasons for writing this blog. Sorry for the selfish reasoning.



So, this semester was pretty difficult...but I'm actually really excited for the next. It feels like my life is actually moving a little...exciting! I've been doing more creative things...painting, drawing, writing...it's been a nice change. I feel more like myself...less intense.

I also feel like God has been waiting to give me answers until the right time...like now when I have time to deal with them...instead of while I'm worrying about reading (or not reading enough of) Moby Dick.

I don't have answers, really...but more leads--like I'm a detective looking for the path He wants me on...it kind of an adventure! Epic, I hope. I'm excited.

And while I'm on this subject, I would like to outline my Christmas list. For God. Yeah, I know...sometimes it's weird to ask for blessing...you feel selfish. But if there's one thing I learned in Japan, it's that unless God blesses me, I will wither and die. He came that I might have life and have it abundantly...and then freely give as I have freely received. Here are some things I am asking from Him that I can't get on my own:

1. Rugged joy
2. Rugged hope
3. Contagious enthusiasm
4. Love for others
5. A faith that remembers


I don't really have the energy to fully explain these...maybe later. Procrastination...ENFP-style.

Divine Romance

The fullness of
Your grace is here with me
The richness of
Your beauty's all I see
The brightness of
Your glory has arrived
In Your presence, God
I'm completely satisfied

For You
I sing, I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands to show my love
To show my love

A deep, deep flood
An ocean flows from You
Of deep, deep love
Yeah, it's fillin' up the room
Your innocent blood
Has washed my guilty life
In Your presence, God
I'm completely satisfied

For You
I sing, I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Life my heart and my hands
To show my love
To show my love

-Phil Wickham

I love this song. I've been thinking about a few things.

So God loves me, right? God really loves me...so much...

"For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe." (1 Corinthians 1:21)

What is foolish to the world is that a father would forgive a prodigal son--someone who took the father's money and wasted it...and who returned home needing a place to stay. This "foolish" father not only runs to the son and rejoices, but throws a feast in his honor because he has returned home. Sometimes we of this world are so the other brother. There is one part of us that runs home and wants the father's pardon and abundant blessing...and then there is another part that thinks that response would be impossible. Since the love is undeserved, it is seen as foolish.

But in this world we have many examples of this. Even in lesser love relationships (such as between a man and woman) here on earth, we see a sort of "love is blind" philosophy played out in the actions of lovers. They overlook the bad. They expect the good. Granted, our fallen state makes these actions perilous at times, but it reflect the image of God's love. It is foolish to us.

God is crazy in love with us. He covers our sin and calls us holy. He puts on His rose-colored glasses and allows Himself to be an optimistic idealist. As I heard once (I can't remember where), God is tickled silly pink madly in love with us!

There are times when this is so real to me. I just want to do something--anything--to express my love. He does call us to obedience, and that is a wonderful expression. However, there are times when He clips our wings, reminding us it is not about our love for Him, but His for us.

As He denied Davids request to build the temple, He at times denies our expressions back to Him. BUT His promises instead to David were that He would never cause his presence to leave David, that He would raise up David's offspring to succeed him, David's son will build a house for the LORD, and that His love will never depart from David and his son (2 Samuel 7). At first this seemed frustrating to me. My response to being loved or of glimpsing beauty is to declare it, to express it, to do something in return. In some ways I need expression--as Jeremiah describes the Word of God as fire in his bones. However, in thinking more about this promise (with knowledge that God works for the good of those who love Him, and that He gives them the desires of their hearts), I realized something. How many times does David ask for God's presence in the Psalms? He wants to seek His face, sit in His temple and meditate, gaze upon His beauty, and hide in His tabernacle (Psalm 27). He asks for God to hear him (Psalm 17, 27, 28, 29, 55, 86, 102). David tells his soul not to despair, but to hope in God's presence (Psalm 42). He calls Him his refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (Psalm 46).

David's desire was for God's presence. David cried out for God's presence and strength and love over and over again. This is the desire God speaks into. He doesn't want David to concentrate on building a temple to show David's love. God wants to promise David the eternity of God's love. This is what He promises to David: His presence and His love....and to boot He promises to fulfill David's desire for a house for the LORD through his lineage. How lavish are the blessings of our God!

All we are left with is this fire in our bones. With nothing we can do to make God's love look any less foolish. Nothing we can do to repay. Just hearts overflowing with the joy of being love by the one great love. He has chosen, chooses, and will always choose to be ticked silly pink madly in love with us. Good thing we have eternity to rejoice in this salvation.

Hello, forlorn blog...How have you been?

Two months later....

So basically, I have circa three blogs that are half-finished...and that will probably never be posted... :-/

Maybe...

But my last blog was so depressing...so much has happened since then...

So Thanksgiving was good. Dinner with the fam...board games afterward. Classico (Italian for 'classic'...sometimes the whole I-pretend-to-speak-a-foreign-language-by-adding-o's-to-the-end-of-words thing actually works...).

The semester's almost over, and it's official: I graduate in May. Score.

What's that? Sorry I didn't hear you. What am I doing after graduation?

Well..............how 'bout them Yankees?



I'm praying about a few options...Japan, Edge Corps...some new stuff just opened in Italy. I'm still not ready to make a decision. If I were completely honest with myself, I would be most excited if God said, "Hey, Ashley, let's go skip around Tokyo for the next couple years. I'll bless you and we'll love people together." I just don't know that that's what He's saying.

Waiting is frustrating...but I'm trying to live in the moment. That's what I'm supposed to do. Look's good on paper, doesn't it? It's way difficult...uber difficult, even. I'm distracted a lot, and there are things to trust Him with NOW...not just for next year or the year after that.

Senior year is a heck of a lot of "HOLY CATS! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!"...in case you were wondering.


I'm learning to see how much of a miracle times of rest are...and how powerful the presence of God really is in all this...and how important dependence on Him is...even though profound vulnerability is at times overwhelming.



Worn out, wasted
Like a bird with broken wings
Sometimes grace reminds me
I don't get to be the king

But love it washes over
Love it pulls me closer
Love it changes everthing

Everything is beautiful
Even when the tears are falling
I don't need a miracle to believe
Even in the crashing down
I can hear redemtion calling
And everything is beautiful to me

Sweetly, You release me
From the weight of what I've done
The trigger trips the hammer
But the bullets never come

And love like a landslide
Like the wind
Spins around me pulls me in
At it's unveiling, I begin



Everything is Beautiful by Starfield. Beautiful, true words. :)

Thanks for Your love, my Lord. It's way more precious than anything within my ability or strength to accomplish.

Afraid

There is so much different about this year.

It is my last at the University of Arizona.

Much of the security blanket is gone...our class is now the oldest in Navs...the big decisions I'm making I now make alone with God...

I have somehow changed into a doubtful, fearful recluse...

I can't really pinpoint everything...

Everything seems like there has been an unalterable change. I value change, and the idealist in me thinks I should be just fine--and even excited. Instead, I'm scared...almost paralyzed with this fear, and struggling with the implications that has on my small faith.

When I am faithless, He remains faithful.

What does that look like? It must mean that I am allowed to feel this uncertain. I am allowed to doubt. I do doubt. I can be faithless. I can be fearful...and He will still be as solid as an everlasting rock that will not be moved.

How often do I forget that this hope is outside of myself? It seems much more intense that usual, though...this uncertainty.

And yet, He separates me from the sins of faithlessness which I am still committing. And thus, I am free from worry about the consequences.


These things I know:
He is faithful.
He has not changed.
He knows what is happening, and is in control.
He is my continuing salvation.

Those things are certain, so I cry and tremble and wait for salvation as the watchmen wait for the morning.

Living in the Land of Shoulds

Galatians 3:1-14

You foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified?
This is the only this I want to find out from you: did you receive the Spirit by the works of the Law, or by hearing with faith?
Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?
Did you suffer so many things in vain--if indeed it was in vain?
So then, does He who provides you with the Spirit and works miracle among you, do it by the works of the Law, or by hearing with faith?
Even so Abraham believed God and it was counted to him as righteousness.
Therefore be sure that it is those who are of faith who are sons of Abraham.
The Scripture, foreseeing that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, preached the gospel beforehand to Abraham, saying, "All the nations will be blessed in you."
So then those who are of faith are blessed with Abraham, the believer.
For as many as are of the works of the Law are under a curse; for it is written, "Cursed is everyone who does not abide by all things written in the book of the Law, to perform them."
Now that no one is justified by the Law before God is evident; for, "The righteous man shall live by faith."
However, the Law is not of faith; on the contrary, "He who practices them shall live by them."
Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us--for it is written, Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree"--
in order that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we would recieve the promise of the Spirit through faith.



Living in the land of shoulds
We cannot see the truth
For the tall, rooted trees that make these woods
Hide the sun, our long searched-for proof...

Shout Out

To Jesus, first and foremost, and last, with my dying breath, and into life after this world:

He is Judge, continually making known ways to pursue Him upon which we are untangled from our sin and our prayers are unhindered.

He is Savior who bears our burden, vindicates, and proclaims freedom in the innermost places of the heart.

He proves faithful, that we might cast all of our cares upon Him.

I am His; He remembers this, and honors our relationship and loves me for His namesake. For He is love and He is merciful and He is my righteousness.



To the Nav men:

for protecting purity. The Nav women trust you.



To close friends:

Given by Him for encouragement, for fellowship in suffering and joy, and for mutual pursuit in the knowledge of Him.




Thank You, my One Great Love, for all these blessings...and the many, many, many, countless many more You lavish upon Your children.

On Tolerance, Eccentricity, and Cookies

"I am very, very tolerant of eccentricity. In fact I probably overvalue it."
-Professor Ulreich (of my Milton class)

"I'm serious about cookies."
-Professor Zwinger (of my Late 19th/Early 20th Century American Fiction class)



This semester's English classes sound promising. :)

Some Verses...

are instantaneously devoured by my heart.

"Thus says the LORD, 'Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not a mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows me.'"

-Jeremiah 9:23-24a


"But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead."

-Philippians 3:7-11



The knowledge of God is immeasurably precious.

God has been gracious and faithful to me in proving this truth to my heart. In Japan I was stripped of many comforts...including feeling at home with my own personality. There were times when I had to choose whether I would live life abundantly in an uncomfortable situation or freeze or run from it. Often, this would dictate the extent to which I would sow seeds for His ministry. Each day that I chose to live an abundant life amid discomfort, I was not disappointed by His power, but encouraged by the fellowship I had with Him in His sufferings. More than this, I knew Him better through these days.

I pray that God would graciously give me the opportunity and the courage to continue this in a country with so many luxurious (and perishable) comforts. I must fiercely protect my fellowship with Him.

Women

O women of truth and righteousness
Walking in the gospel of peace
Fight for humility and gentleness
For God's beauty in you, which will not cease

Faithfulness as Sarah's daughters
Is not a struggle for the weak
His strength upholds when faith doth totter
Strength to be merciful and meek

Take up your swords and pursue His grace
Guarded in His loving care
Looking ever only to His face
Reflecting His beauty to which none compares



"In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear."

-1 Peter 3:1-6

O, For a Thousand Tongues to Sing

O, for a thousand tongues to sing
My great Redeemer's praise
The glories of my God and King
The triumphs of His grace

My gracious Master and my God
Assist me to proclaim
To spread through all the earth abroad
The honors of Thy name

So come on and sing out
Let our anthem grow loud
There is one great love
Jesus!

Jesus, the name that charms our fears
That bids our sorrows cease
'Tis music in the sinner's ears
'Tis life and health and peace

He breaks the power of canceled sin
He sets the prisoners free
His blood can make the foulest clean
His blood availed for me

So come on and sing out
Let our anthem grow loud
There is one great love
There is one great love
Jesus


He speaks and listening to His voice
New life the dead receive
The mournful broken hearts rejoice
The humble poor believe

Glory to God and praise and love
Be ever, ever given
By saints below and saints above
The church in earth and heaven

So come on and sing out
Let our anthem grow loud
There is one great love
Jesus

There are so few words
That never grow old
There are so few words
That never grow old
Jesus

So come on and sing out
Let our anthem grow loud
There is one great love
There is one great love
There is one great love!

Jesus!

Joy!

"Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy."

-2 Corinthians 1:24

"This is what Satan desperately wants to hide from the eyes of our hearts--a spiritual sight of Christ's glory in the gospel. Not just the facts, but the beauty of the facts."

-John Piper, When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy

"More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the POWER of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead."

Philippians 3:8-11

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Hebrews 12:1,2

At the same time...

"Our striving would be losing."
-Martin Luther

"So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with much fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure."

Philippians 2:12,13

"...it is a good fight because it is not a struggle to carry a burden, but a struggle to let a burden be carried for us..."

-John Piper

"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing."

John 15:5

"Apart from Christ I can do nothing--I cannot even rejoice."

-John Piper

"...I know that I will remain and continue with you all for your progress and JOY in the faith..."

Philippians 1:25

"...[Paul] expresses the summary of his ministry on earth as working to advance their joy!"

-John Piper

Let us spur one another on to love and good deeds, not only fighting for our joy, but the fruit of joy in others. By the grace of God, we can rejoice together.

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain; but I labored even more than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God with me."

-1 Corinthians 15:10

The fight (for joy) itself is a gift flowing from the grace of God, that the following gift of joy from God might serve to glorify Him, and not uphold our "good works."

"Now may the God of peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, even Jesus our Lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen."

Hebrews 13:20,21

And since He is sovereign, and joy is not a wage due to us, let us glorify God in our waiting for the spontaneous occurrence of joy at the sight of His face.

"I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me and heard my cry.
He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay,
And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.
He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God;
Many will see and fear
And will trust in the LORD."

-Psalm 40:1-3

"He waited for the Lord. He could not make the Lord come. He could wait and hope and trust that He would come...If [blessings] delay, we trust the wisdom of our Father's timing, and we wait."

-John Piper

Grace is powerful, joy is rugged, and love is deep at the fountain of the Lord. Let us wait on Him.

Faithfulness

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God, my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be

Great is Thy faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed Thy and hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me



I was just thinking about God's faithfulness a lot. Shocker, huh?

But anyway, I just am so amazed and awestruck by this truth. When we are faithless, He remains faithful. If I fail, He is faithful. If I don't look to Him, He remains faithful to me. In fact He says in Isaiah that He has inscribed the name of His people on His hands. So even if we say, "Surely the Lord has forgotten us; He has forsaken us," He will forever reply, "Can a mother forget her nursing child, and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Behold, your name is inscribed on My hands, and your walls are continually before me."

He still watches our comings and goings. He still holds our hand. He still whispers sweetly to us. He still longs for every opportunity to show us grace. He still delights in us, and causes all things to work together for our good. What a merciful and compassionate God we serve!

For God demonstrates His own love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

He is faithful to His people. He is faithful to His creation.

Fathers and Futures

Wow. Things have been pretty intense these past few weeks.

I've had some amazing time with God, some great friendships with students here in Tokyo, and a growing fondness for my team.

I am feeling incredibly uncertain about future stuff, though. I graduate in May, and I want to decide by October whether I will do Edge Corps, come back for midterm in Japan, or maybe do something else in ministry.

Any of these options would be a huge change, and I'll probably move away from home. That's really scary to me, and I will sorely and heartily miss my family and friends. I am also worried about finding the rich fellowship I have had in Navigators outside of college. I will miss it so much, and I feel like I need it. I do know, however, that wherever I go, God's grace is sufficient. That is easy to write, but do we really believe it?

God's favor is all I need. Just the favor--the approval and active help of my God.

This is really what I wanted to write:

I saw a father the other day. He was sitting outside of Starbucks with his wife and baby. The first time I looked at him, I was captivated by the look on his face. He was gazing fondly at his daughter with sort of a goofy love-drunk half smile. He delighted in her. He looked at her with the softest, most tender affection I have ever seen on any face. He watched her every move. He counted her ten fingers and her ten little toes. He gently brushed back her feathery hair. He straightened her dress. He moved her stroller closer.

When the mother went inside, he unbuckled her little seatbelt and drew his precious daughter to his lap. As she looked around, taking in the busy Tama Center, he waved at her and talked to her, just wanting his daughter look at him. When she did, his face lapsed into an ever-widening smile.

I thought, "My Father does this for me. He watches when I lay down and when I rise up. He counts the hairs on my head. He looks upon with tender love, longing for every opportunity to show His favor. He holds my hand. Even if a nursing mother may forget her child, or if this father does not stay, my Father in heaven will keep me continually before His eyes, and allow me to gaze upon the beauty of His love. I look and see my name inscribed upon His hands and my name written on His heart."

Wherever He leads me, this is all I need. This is much more than I can understand, anf he fills my cup with His love. I am ever-satisfied with His lovingkindness.

I love absolute truths about my Lord

You never let me down

You are always faithful

I am never alone

You are with me to the end of the age

You never let go

You always hold my hand

I am never in danger

I am always in the secret room of Your tent (and You are Almighty)

I am never lost

I abide before God forever

I am never fatherless

I am a daughter of the King

I am never overtaken

You always save me

My cries are never in vain

You forever delight in hearing my voice

I am never shaken

You are my eternal Rock and Fortress

None can deliver out of Your hand

You are always sovereign

I am never forgotten

Your thoughts of me outnumber the sand

I am never unnoticed

You have all my tears in a bottle

May we believe these truths will all of our hearts. Mighty Father, Your presence is our good...and Your concern is for Your glory and our good...and these priorities are masterfully interwoven in your beautiful tapestry of salvation. We love You and we praise You.

Work in Progress

So here I am...two days before I leave for Japan. I have been through so many swings between being nervous and excited that my pendulum is no longer pendulum-ing. It's in the middle...all numb and in shocked disbelief that I'm going to be in a country I don't know with people I don't know and customs that I'm not used to...and people I want to be vulnerable with.

I would very easily beat myself up for not completely and totally focusing on God in this...There is some truth to that. A lot of truth to that...BUT I know that this is a big thing. I know that I am a work in progress. I know that God is doing things in my heart and in the hearts of my teammates to prepare us...things greater than anything I could ask or imagine. My security begins here. It begins in the grace that I have that makes me able to laugh at my weaknesses, knowing that I have the hope of glory. It begins in the knowledge of my identity in Christ, already robed in His righteousness. It begins in the good works that He has set before me and has prepared me for. He turns my attention to these things and I am comforted and fortified in the love of Christ. I have faith that He will continue to do this and that I will learn.

Let me be found a liar, and He be found the Truth. Let me be found faithless, and my God faithful. Let me be the clay, and He the Potter. Let me be the daughter, and He my Mighty Father.

This is how I want to enter the country of Japan:

-without confidence in myself, but with every confidence in Christ
-with an attitude of thankfulness for a place (and people) who are without worship in which I can worship (because the glory of God is worthy)
-with thankfulness for the opportunity to learn from different people who are uniquely made in God's image
-with an assured hope in God's promise to do great and mighty things
-with an expectation to see Him in the unexpected
-with a sense of humor about myself and my weaknesses, which allows me to be wrong and learn from others
-with love that is willing to endure when it is difficult or inconvenient (for my teammates and for others)
-with a flexible attitude that eagerly serves the staff and supports their existing ministry

That's kind of a long list...and there's more I would like to grow into...so I guess in all this, the most essential thing is that I have faith in God's promises, hope in His glory, and love for Him and His commandments...

I am a work in progress. I am not perfect...not even good...or satisfactory. BUT He loves me and provides. For that I love to worship Him.

Mighty to Save

Everyone needs compassion
Love that’s never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations


Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave


So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender


Shine Your light and let the whole world see
We’re singing
For the glory of the risen King



Sing it, Hillsong. I love this song.

Melancholy

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the darkness If You want me to

When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to


I love this song by Ginny Owens. It's simple and melancholy and true. I like when songs are simple and melancholy and true. Also, I tend to get sad when a lot of changes come my way. There are a lot of changes in my life right now...but He has me where He wants me. And that's the best place to be. So I will be melancholy, but secure in Him.

If My Soul Is Downcast In Me

If my soul is downcast in me
And sorrow fills my view
Would You speak Your words into me
And not stop till I am healed?

O would that I could reach out
One trembling, powerless hand
And touch Your robe of glory
My strength would be renewed

What is the width and length?
How deep and how high?
Your love reaches from the heavens
And draws me ever nigh

In this love I find my anchor
And search for this one truth
That You would stop at nothing
Your death and sufferings are the proof

And so in every sorrow
At Your throne of grace I kneel
More eager than I could imagine
Is Your readiness to heal




I have been writing a lot of songs lately.

Skat of the Brain

Skat man doo

Juxtaposition

Tweedly-she boo

Sing a little rendition

Scroodle she bow

Wish I weren’t studying Titian

She be doo pow

Crow’s feet

Bay wow wow

Enzymes secrete

Kalamazoo

I knew a guy named Pete.

Excellence

Thoughts on and notes from Becoming a Woman of Excellence by Cynthia Heald (First Study: "The Goal Worth Pursuing"):

"And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to remain aincere and blameless until the day of Christ."

-Philippians 1:9,10

Motivation: to point to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31)

To be excellent, dwell on excellent things. (Philippians 4:8)

If there is one thing worthy of excellence (worthy of my best at the moment and my desire and pursuit to become better), it is loving God, and then loving others. (Matthew 22:36-39)

How do we receive power to become better? To fill our mind with excellent things? From God, asking Him through prayer. Pray this for ourselves and for others: that we may be filled with the knowledge of His will so that we can walk in a manner pleasing and worthy of the Lord, bear fruit, and increase in the knowledge of God Himself. (Colossians 1:9,10)

Also, Isaiah 43:10: He proclaims us as His witnesses so that we may know Him, believe Him, and understand that He is who He says He is.

Let us be diligent in these things: to come before the Lord, never being bound to shame, allowing ourselves to be approved to God as His workmen, pursuing accuracy in handling the truth. (2 Timothy 2:15)

Let us dwell on the word of truth so that we can handle it with accuracy and give opportunity through obedience for God to reveal His truth and power. With His Word we shall renew our minds to be strong in the Lord and for the Lord, emptying ourselves and presenting ourselves as clean vessels, ready and equipped to do the will of God.

"Exellence is not perfection, but essentially a desire to be strong in the Lord and for the Lord."

-Cynthia Heald

"Do we so appreciate the marvelous salvation of Jesus Christ that we are our utmost for His highest?"

-Oswald Chambers

Goal: to be diligent in pursuing the meaning of excellence and how to live it out as a woman.

"I know of no other single practice in the Christian life more rewarding, practically speaking, than memorizing Scripture. That's right. No other single discipline is more useful and rewarding than this. No other single exercise pays greater spiritual dividends! Your mind will become alert and observant. Your confidence and assurance will be enhanced. Your faith will be solidified."

-Charles R. Swindoll

25 Things I Love

In honor of my 25th post and because I saw other people do this...


25 things I love:

1. Sitting barefoot in very thick, very green grass
2. Laying on my back, looking at a clear sky full of stars
3. Amazing quiet times with my God
4. Driving with one hand out the window
5. Doing things even when I'm scared (adventures)
6. Long talks in coffee shops
7. The Office
8. Reading people's blogs
9. Babies
10. Photo albums (I buy them faster than I can fill them)
11. Flowers
12. Kittens and puppies (classic, I know)
13. Cute coffee mugs
14. Singing worship songs (and playing them on the piano)
15. Spending entire days with friends
16. Hugs
17. Random conversations
18. Traveling
19. Italian
20. Japanese
21. Sleepovers
22. Really good movies
23. Really good books
24. Jane Austen


*drum roll*


25. The feeling after finals are over...almost there!

Speaking of goats...

Okay, so I realize I hardly ever post blogs about actual events. This is not cool. I want to share my life with you guys! :)

Here we go.

This weekend I went to the Pima County Fair with some friends.

That's how I felt about the ferris wheel. Note: This is a dramatization of actual events.

Beautiful Sydney and I on the ferris wheel. :)

First, we saw a bunch of old tractors and a washing machine. Then we saw animals being auctioned off for food.

Me: Sydney...what happens to those cute little lambs?
Sydney: Um...
Me: Wait...the Disney version.
Sydney: They never die.

After that, we went and saw a ridiculously large amount of ridiculously cute animals. I love bunnies. I also adore baby pygmy goats.

I do not adore country music. However, I tolerate it. I went to my first country concert at the fair (It was free and Sydney and Kyle happen to fall all over themselves when Craig Morgan is around). So, naturally, I belted it out when he sang one of my least favorite songs and pretended to be the daughter of a third generation farmer.

Then we went on the ferris wheel and took a lot of pictures. It was a very serious time.

Um...

Kyle and Ross...cuuuute :P

View from the big wheel

We went to Triple T for a late night dinner afterward. We talked about Jane Austen, a guy named Chase, skydiving, and yogurt. It was probably one of the best conversations of the semester.

Distraction

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

-Hebrews 12:1, 2

Frustration, difficulty, desire, it's hard!....oh....endurance. Oh...lay it aside. Oh...Jesus. The author and perfecter of our faith. Oh.

It is difficult not to let yourself be distracted, but that's why we need endurance.

Thank You, Lord, for giving us examples. People who endure are inspiring.

Progress, not perfection. There's a reason we need Jesus as the perfecter of our faith (He is the most inspiring of all...by far....by farther than far).

Turn your eyes, O my soul, to Jesus, my great High Priest. He has been tempted in every way and understands and sympathizes with our weaknesses. Let me not be anywhere that You aren't, my Lord. For reasons not completely explainable He welcomes me back with open arms to stand before the throne of grace.

Optimism

Today I discovered that I am much too unflinchingly optimistic to study Philip Larkin.

My loss, I'm sure.

Beauty

"One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD And to meditate in His temple."

-Psalm 27:4

How wonderful.

The Owl

Downhill I came, hungry, and yet not starved;
Cold, yet had heat within me that was proof
Against the North wind; tired, and yet so that rest
Had seemed the sweetest thing under a roof

Then at the inn I had food, fire, and rest,
Knowing how hungry, cold, and tired was I.
All of the night was barred out except
An owl's cry, a most melancholy cry

Shaken out long and clear upon the hill,
No merry note, nor cause of merriment,
But one telling me plain what I escaped
And others could not, that night, as in I went.

And salted was my food, and my repose,
Salted and sobered, too, by the bird's voice
Speaking for those who lay under the stars,
Soldiers and poor, unable to rejoice.

--Edward Thomas

I love this poem. Perhaps I will post my thoughts on it later and how they relate to man's (my) escape from sin and condemnation. For now, however, I would like to say that the rhyme of "voice" and "rejoice" is one of my favorites.

I am now off to finish writing the paper I am working on for my English class. I'm really enjoying it, but am too much of an extrovert to concentrate too long without some kind of contact (virtual or not) with people.

Anywho....happy working, oh people of Wednesday!

Japan ♥

I have a blog for Japan.

It is http://ashleyaxupinjapan.blogspot.com

Check it out and pray with me that God would do His will in the country of Japan!

Determined Love

"Salvation is from our side a choice, from the divine side it is a seizing upon, an apprehending, a conquest by the Most High God. Our ''accepting'' and ''willing'' are reactions rather than actions. The right of determination must always remain with God."

-A.W. Tozer

I just love this quote by Tozer. Golly bob, it's so true. Thank You, my God, for acting--for loving me with a determined love, and for captivating my heart.

My Help

"In my distress I called upon the LORD, And cried to my God for help; He heard my voice out of His temple, And my cry for help before Him came into His ears."

-Psalm 18:6

I say to the Lord, "You are my good; I love Your presence, for it is in the dry land that I feel Your sustaining power. It is in the awareness of my weakness that I see Your unfailing salvation. It is in the depravity of my soul that I see Your beautiful holiness. You deliver me to Your shelter--to the calming shade beneath Your wings. You alone are powerful, my God, You alone are good. I have seen my weakness and my heart has wandered from You, but Your faithfulness is unfailing. Your mercies, my Savior, are new every morning. I stand with a desperately thankful heart for Your lovingkindness. You, my God, are great. You, my Lord, are my Help."

The Lord says, "I love you. Nothing could separate you from my love. I love you forever. I have made you so that I could have your heart and will let none other take it from me. I alone have rescued you. I alone am your God. I alone possess your heart and have bought it with my Son. I do everything in my power to rescue and save you and bring you to eternal glory with Me. I will love you forever in My temple and will speak into Your heart and establish my throne there forever."

My heart sings with joy through troubles and hardship, for my heart belongs forever to my God. My joy is complete.

Love and Glory

"We have thought on Your lovingkindness, O God, in the midst of Your temple."
-Psalm 48:9

O Father, may I take time to dwell on and drink in Your love, for Your compassion on me is great. I praise You and thank You that I can come into Your temple. I can live in Your courts. I can come into Your presence to experience the incomparable fruits of Your lovingkindness. Ephesians says that I have access to every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because of You, Jesus. Not only do I have knowledge of this, but I can think on Your love in the midst of Your temple! How great is this love You have lavished on me!

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord "

-Romans 8:35-39

O Mighty One, my God who holds me fast with a love that never fails! You are my desire. You stop at nothing to obtain and keep my ever-wandering heart! You have endured earthly pain. You have gone to the gates of hell. Jesus, You stand in heaven now and confess me before Your Father. Time itself is in Your hands. The winds and the waves obey You, and Your power, Lord, You have given me! You are my strength and my fortress, who shelters me in lovingkindness from which I can never be separated! You love me with power! I confess I cannot love You in such a way, but I praise You because You loved me and died for me in the midst of my sin. In Your infinite and immeasurably faithful love, You have desired my heart. I have nothing to give You but my life in return, which pales in comparison to Your sacrifice. I sacrifice nothing, for I give up what I cannot keep to gain what I cannot lose! Praise be to Your name forever! All glory be ascribed to You, O God! You are great. You are mighty in Your sovereignty and wisdom! Praise and glory! You are so infinitely more than worthy, You who have compassion on Your lost souls. Unfathomable is this love of Yours! I cannot attain to Your knowledge and wisdom. In my weakness, I cannot even respond with the unfailing faith that this should inspire! O Lord, I cannot. You, O Lord are truly faithful. You will never deny Yourself, for You are unchanging. Unchanging are Your love and compassion. Unchanging is Your righteousness. Unchanging are You, my Prince of Peace. My God. My God of beauty and majesty. All praise be to Your name! Be our vision. Be our every thought. Be our life's purpose. Be our Lord, for we are fixed on Your glory. You, God, who stretches out the heavens like a tent. It is You, God whose eyes roam the earth. It is You, God, who ordained the sun to govern the day and the moon for the night. Great and mighty are You! Praise! Honor! Beauty! Majesty! Glory and glory! Glory to You! Gloria a Te, O Dio!

"Tell of His glory among the nations, His wonderful deeds among all the peoples. For great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised; He also is to be feared above all gods."
-1 Chronicles 16:24, 25

Exchanging

Her stiff, unsure steps and downward face showed the utter depths of her shame as she timidly entered the large room. Her long, black hair covered her pained and fearful expression. Wrought from years of social exile and tragedy, the lines of her face reflected the hopelessness she had suffered for so long. Before the death of her husband, public banquets had always been joyful affairs. It had been years since she had dared to venture to any public gathering—let alone a feast hosted by Simon. The Pharisees had openly condemned her. If only, she thought.

Slowly crossing the room she caught the eye of the host, whose piercing gaze communicated a mixture of disdain and disbelief. Her shame doubled. She had searched earnestly for another solution, but the money she needed flowed steadily from the pockets of those that admired her beauty. Her children depended upon her earnings. She had succumbed to her desperation. If only she could find peace in this agony—one hope for an end to her painful captivity. Her one Hope was here.

Glimpsing the Guest of honor, her heart beat a little faster. She had listened desperately, fervently to the messages of this new Rabbi. Exiled and denied friendship and sincere affection, she craved the Teacher’s promise of peace and forgiveness. She craved this promise of merciful love that surpassed any she ever experienced in her married life. If only I could look into His face, she inwardly pled.

Her eyes now fixed on the back of His robe, her heart raced as she drew near. She could no longer hear the hateful words whispered by those who had once called her ‘friend’. Her feet could barely feel their way across the floor. Twice she stumbled. Her breathing turned to frantic sobs. Now just an arm’s length away from Him, she could no longer contain the tears. She fell to His feet. Unable to rise, her tears dropped to form trails in the dust of His feet. She used her hair to wipe away the streaks. The Rabbi stood patiently, looking down with deep compassion.

She began to kiss His feet, letting her gratitude overpower all restraint. This Man had shown her more kindness than she ever believed existed—and he must have known her disgrace. Her shaking hands grasped the alabaster vile around her neck. It contained the last ounce of treasured perfume given to her by her husband—the only lasting remnant of her former life. She gave her heart to her beloved Teacher as she poured the fragrance over his feet.

So captivated was she by her new Treasure that she barely heard Jesus speak to the room of Pharisees. She could feel her acceptance in His presence. His warm gaze was fixed on the top of her head as he spoke sweetly and with audible love, saying, “Your sins have been forgiven.” With eyes clouded with tears, she looked up to meet his, filled with gentle compassion as he continued with tender sincerity, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

(story based on Luke 7:36-50)

Sydney gave this to me...

The Wait Poem by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried; Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate... and the Master so gently said,"Wait." "Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply. "Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!" Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard? By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I relate hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?" I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign. Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign. You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, We need but to ask, and we shall receive. Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry: I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate as my Master replied again, "Wait." So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taught, and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?" He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine... and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
I could give all you seek and pleased you would be. You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me. You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint. You'd not know the power that I give to the faint. You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair; you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there. You'd not know the joy of resting in Me when darkness and silence are all you can see.
You'd never experience the fullness of love when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove. You would know that I give, and I save, for a start, But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart. The glow of My comfort late into the night, the faith that I give when you walk without sight. The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
You'd never know should your pain quickly flee, what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you. So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me. And though oft My answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".

Weakness

"The LORD determined to destroy
The wall of the daughter of Zion.
He has stretched out a line,
He has not restrained His hand from destroying,
And He has caused rampart and wall to lament;
They have languished together.
Her gates has sunk to the ground,
He has destroyed and broken her bars.
Her king and her princes are among the nations;
The law is no more.
Also, her prophets find
No vision from the LORD.
The elders of the daughter of Zion
Sit on the ground, they are silent.
They have thrown dust on their heads;
They have girded themselves with sackcloth.
The virgins of Jerusalem
Have bowed their heads to the ground.
My eyes fail because of tears,
My spirit is greatly troubled;
My heart is poured out on the earth
Because of the destruction of the daughter of my people,
When the little infants faint in the streets of my city."

-Lamentations 2:8-11

"O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
THUS I HAVE SEEN YOU IN THE SANCTUARY,
TO SEE YOUR POWER AND YOUR GLORY.
Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips will praise You.
So I will bless You as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
My soul is satisfies as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.
When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches,
FOR YOU HAVE BEEN MY HELP,
AND IN THE SHADOW OF YOUR WINGS I SING FOR JOY.
MY SOUL CLINGS TO YOU;
YOUR RIGHT HAND UPHOLDS ME."

-Psalm 63:1-8

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

-2 Corinthians 12:7


It is unceasingly amazing to me every time I see truth throughout Scripture. How many times must I hear the God's strength is perfected in my weakness? How many times must I hear and not truly believe and own this truth? God has pushed me. He has stretched me. He is growing me, this awesome Father I have. To despair He will lead me to capture my heart, my attention, and my weakness. Our need for God is striking. God is moving to make us feel our need.


O Father, how I need You
Grateful am I for grace
My lonely desire to please You
Between You and I adds space

I long for someone to notice
To soothe this ache I bear
Other distractions entice
But show not Your intimate care

Move in this frustrating silence
Your grace is sufficient alone
Despite all outside appearance
In the midst of all that's unknown


I trust You.

TRUTH!

Ah! Okay...just home from Edge Preview...and I will post more later, but here's my last journal entry...God spoke to my heart through another Edger...and it's awesome. She gave me the Revelation verses and my heart rejoiced. Here:

"Then I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, 'Now the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night. AND THEY OVERCAME HIM BECAUSE OF THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB AND BECAUSE OF THE WORD OF THEIR TESTIMONY, and they did not love their life even when faced with death."
-Revelation 12:10, 11

TRUTH! YES!

Thank you, Lord, for Dana.

O Truth!
How lovely, divine, and full of grace!
Beauty in the darkest night
My heart sings at the glorious sight
My eyes uplifted to Your long-searched face!

O Spirit!
My inspiration from Authority sovereign
To inward chambers of my heart, my mind
Even mountain tops of my soul You climb
Called to praise this day, and again!

O Power!
How strong, courageous, and giving of peace!
Giving voice to Your story
With conviction and victory
Found perfect in the least of these!