Fathers and Futures

Wow. Things have been pretty intense these past few weeks.

I've had some amazing time with God, some great friendships with students here in Tokyo, and a growing fondness for my team.

I am feeling incredibly uncertain about future stuff, though. I graduate in May, and I want to decide by October whether I will do Edge Corps, come back for midterm in Japan, or maybe do something else in ministry.

Any of these options would be a huge change, and I'll probably move away from home. That's really scary to me, and I will sorely and heartily miss my family and friends. I am also worried about finding the rich fellowship I have had in Navigators outside of college. I will miss it so much, and I feel like I need it. I do know, however, that wherever I go, God's grace is sufficient. That is easy to write, but do we really believe it?

God's favor is all I need. Just the favor--the approval and active help of my God.

This is really what I wanted to write:

I saw a father the other day. He was sitting outside of Starbucks with his wife and baby. The first time I looked at him, I was captivated by the look on his face. He was gazing fondly at his daughter with sort of a goofy love-drunk half smile. He delighted in her. He looked at her with the softest, most tender affection I have ever seen on any face. He watched her every move. He counted her ten fingers and her ten little toes. He gently brushed back her feathery hair. He straightened her dress. He moved her stroller closer.

When the mother went inside, he unbuckled her little seatbelt and drew his precious daughter to his lap. As she looked around, taking in the busy Tama Center, he waved at her and talked to her, just wanting his daughter look at him. When she did, his face lapsed into an ever-widening smile.

I thought, "My Father does this for me. He watches when I lay down and when I rise up. He counts the hairs on my head. He looks upon with tender love, longing for every opportunity to show His favor. He holds my hand. Even if a nursing mother may forget her child, or if this father does not stay, my Father in heaven will keep me continually before His eyes, and allow me to gaze upon the beauty of His love. I look and see my name inscribed upon His hands and my name written on His heart."

Wherever He leads me, this is all I need. This is much more than I can understand, anf he fills my cup with His love. I am ever-satisfied with His lovingkindness.